In 2010, there arose a controversy with congress when they declared pizza a "vegetable." That is, to say, pizza contained enough tomato paste to satisfy the federal guidelines for a daily serving of vegetables. There is an obvious issue with this declaration, however. Tomatoes are not vegetables, but rather a fruit. So, using sensible logic, pizza is a vegetable because of the tomato, and tomato is a fruit. Ergo, pizza is a fruit. BUT, this is horribly wrong for a terribly obvious reason: pizza is comprised of far more other ingredients than tomato and in much higher ratios. If you break down the rational proportions of the layers of pizza, there is about 10% cheese (depending on pizza type/style), 10% meat (previous addendum applies), 10% sauce, and 70% bread. Of course, these figures are 100% pulled from my rear end. From these flatulent-accurate statistics, we can officially confirm that pizza is a bread with a fruit topping and a protein supplement. Pizza is a pastry. There. I settled it.
The idea came to me when we were sitting at the table, enjoying some Little Caesars. Lately, Eliza's weight and size has been an issue, being on the "too little" side. The doctor said that we need to put her on a high calorie diet. Anyway, while we were eating, Staci was cutting Eliza her slice and I came to the startling revelation that pizza was the perfect food for, not just my kid, but kids in general. Now, let me give a disclaimer before I start my explanation. This is intended to explain how pizza is the perfect food for KIDS. Not adults. Adults are lazy creatures and are far from possessing the anatomical superiority that children do. Now, on to my irrefutable logic.
Pizza, we know, is made up of a ton of calories, which is what the body burns for energy. Kids, we also know, are made of energy. So we can suppose that pizza is just fuel for the fire, but it is so much more than that. The argument is that the oft-round dish is too greasy and unhealthy. But there are few things that counter this belief. Let's think about each layer separately. The bread is just bread. They don't put anything special in it to make it any different from sandwich bread. It is only different in consistency because of the preparation and a different ratio of ingredients. The tomato sauce is quite healthy, since tomatoes are full of nutrients. The only fight here is that people have the incessant need to put sugar in everything, so naturally, there is some sugar in it more often than not. Then the cheese is where the biggest argument lies. Most of the grease from pizza comes from the cheese, but the cheese is the same cheese that string cheese is made of and at only the amount of about a stick and a half per slice. You wouldn't object to your kid eating that, would you? (I said "cheese" way too much in that last sentence.) The meat is a touchy subject, considering that there are just as many meats to put on pizza as there are things for Lady Gaga to make a dress out of. (No, I will not insert the "meat dress" joke here. I'm an adult and I'm lazy; you can do it yourself.) Let's assume America's favorite topping, pepperoni, is on the pie. On two slices of pizza, there is about the equivalent of one or two slices of bologna in a sandwich with nearly the same nutritional value. Perhaps more saturated fat, but not much.
With this information, it makes sense that pizza is just a conglomeration of a few different items that one could find in a normal kid's lunch box, except stacked into a neat triangle shaped for your (and your child's) eating pleasure.
The idea came to me when we were sitting at the table, enjoying some Little Caesars. Lately, Eliza's weight and size has been an issue, being on the "too little" side. The doctor said that we need to put her on a high calorie diet. Anyway, while we were eating, Staci was cutting Eliza her slice and I came to the startling revelation that pizza was the perfect food for, not just my kid, but kids in general. Now, let me give a disclaimer before I start my explanation. This is intended to explain how pizza is the perfect food for KIDS. Not adults. Adults are lazy creatures and are far from possessing the anatomical superiority that children do. Now, on to my irrefutable logic.
Pizza, we know, is made up of a ton of calories, which is what the body burns for energy. Kids, we also know, are made of energy. So we can suppose that pizza is just fuel for the fire, but it is so much more than that. The argument is that the oft-round dish is too greasy and unhealthy. But there are few things that counter this belief. Let's think about each layer separately. The bread is just bread. They don't put anything special in it to make it any different from sandwich bread. It is only different in consistency because of the preparation and a different ratio of ingredients. The tomato sauce is quite healthy, since tomatoes are full of nutrients. The only fight here is that people have the incessant need to put sugar in everything, so naturally, there is some sugar in it more often than not. Then the cheese is where the biggest argument lies. Most of the grease from pizza comes from the cheese, but the cheese is the same cheese that string cheese is made of and at only the amount of about a stick and a half per slice. You wouldn't object to your kid eating that, would you? (I said "cheese" way too much in that last sentence.) The meat is a touchy subject, considering that there are just as many meats to put on pizza as there are things for Lady Gaga to make a dress out of. (No, I will not insert the "meat dress" joke here. I'm an adult and I'm lazy; you can do it yourself.) Let's assume America's favorite topping, pepperoni, is on the pie. On two slices of pizza, there is about the equivalent of one or two slices of bologna in a sandwich with nearly the same nutritional value. Perhaps more saturated fat, but not much.
With this information, it makes sense that pizza is just a conglomeration of a few different items that one could find in a normal kid's lunch box, except stacked into a neat triangle shaped for your (and your child's) eating pleasure.
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