RobPat pt. 2

My wife came to me after reading my latest post and informed me that my thoughts on Bobby Pattinson came out of left field.  Since this is usually how I operate, you know, completely random, she suggest that my audience deserve the right to know why I brought up this seemingly random actor. 

Well I was watching Good Morning America and he happened to be a guest on the show, talking about his new movie, "Cosmopolis."  Not too long after I heard them talk about his personal life did I realize that I found myself inadvertently placing the bad actor stereotype on him.  But something jarred me out of the trance.  He completely refused to talk about his personal life.  I find this to be a very admirable quality in the popular folks.  It reminds us that they are just as human as we are.

Anyway, after I came to from my unfortunate dose of haterade, I began to reminisce about the things I know he has done.  In Britain, he has released a few albums, done a few indie films and has even done some charity work.  He really made some notice in America when he played Cedric Diggory in the fourth "Harry Potter" movie.  He then made his doomed work, "Twilight." 

If you look at "Remember Me" and "Water For Elephants," you can see that he is a very versatile actor, playing a broad spectrum of characters.  Yet, he is usually chasing a girl of some sort, but who isn't these days?  I think people will really see his potential once the sparkle goes away.

Bigger, Better Blogging/RobPat

So here's the thing.  I had a pretty rough time with school in the last couple of semesters, so I haven't had much time to do anything, let alone the blog.  This next semester is my last semester until I get my A.A. in English.  The most epic of "whews" is now being loaded into my thank-goodness-that's-over gun.  But for those of you who do actually read this, don't worry.  I may get knocked down every now and then, but I'm not out. 

I enjoy writing, so much, in fact, that I'd love to do it for a job.  That is why I've made this decision.  My daddy blog will be mainly about being a daddy, but I'm also going to make it a semi-free-for-all blog as well.  I'll be providing input on video games, pop culture, movies, actors (not celebrities in general, only because 95% of them don't deserve to be celebrities), etc.  Stuff that I think a lot of Dads would like to read.  So here it is:

Robert Pattinson.  Now, just wait!  Before you leave, hear me out.  I am a fan of the Twilight series (minus the first movie), but this isn't going to be about that.  This is going to be about Bobby.  Personally, I believe his reputation took a big hit from doing the "Twilight" saga.  I'm not certain how much of his other media ventures everyone has seen, but I've heard his music, seen his other movies, and I know that he is a quite talented guy.  "Water For Elephants" is probably one of the best movies I've ever seen.  Even the more Indie film, "Remember Me," which he produced and starred in, was a pretty good movie.  Guys, if you watch this movie with your significant other, good things will happen, I promise. 

In his defense with "Twilight," I think that certain actors in certain movies can only be as good as their Director lets them be.  It's no mystery that bad acting pockmarks that whole series consistently.  Let's point some fingers at the director of the first film. (If you don't like Twilight, you can stop reading now, as this part is going to be about it)

Catherine Hardwicke directed the first movie.  She isn't very seasoned, only having directed three other movies previously ("The Nativity Story", "Lords of Dogtown", and "Thirteen"), all of which were barely so-so, unless you're a teenybopper in high school.  Following "Twilight," she directed the flop, "Red Riding Hood."  By the time better directors (i.e. Chris Weitz, Bill Condon), could take the helm, the dirty image of the first film had destroyed the rest of the series for most people.  In actuality, the remaining films were okay.  They stuck to the true story and most of the acting was fixed by the last film, assuming the 2nd half of "Breaking Dawn" will be the same as the first.  Hopefully Kristen Stewart being a vampire will somehow magically bestow her with some talent.  Here's to wishful thinking.

Schooool's Out For Summer! ....Except When It Isn't

Ah, school.  Summer school, at that.  No, mine is nothing like the summer school they had for the delinquent kids in High School.  Nope, mine is college summer school.  I actually want to be there.  So much, in fact, that I'm paying for it!  Woohoo!  If you can still breathe after that choking-thick fog of sarcasm, then I applaud you, good sir.  Or ma'am.  Or laddie. Or whatever it is people call each other these days.  This semester (SU12) marks my second-to-last semester until I gain the "Associates Degree" skill level in my English mastery tree.  Ok, sorry for the role-playing geekout.  Further digression will be avoided.  Maybe.  I'm a little ADD struck right now.  Sleep can wait.  Blogs can't.

Balancing the SAHD life with the full-time student gig is not an easy chore, as you can imagine.  It equates to fighting at least twelve zombie ninjas without being Chuck Norris.  Now THAT is hard!  Elizabeth, naturally, couldn't care less about my homework.  It seems that she doesn't grasp the concept that it's detrimental to my progress if half of my math homework looks like a giant spit wad.  It sends bad vibes to my teacher.  Regardless, I do my best to make sure baby gets her necessities. 

I did manage to luck out since there have been issues with the babysitter and my wife's car.  You're probably thinking "how in the monkey-knuckle farts does that make you lucky?  Oh, you're being sarcastic again, aren't you?  You know, that doesn't translate well on the internet.  You should stop that." 

Well, I'm sorry. 

Not really. 

Anyway, the answer is this:  I now have to take my wife to work, which is located about 30 minutes from home in the opposite direction from my school.  However, she goes to work much earlier than I have to go to school.  This is where the babysitter issue comes into play.  She hasn't been able to watch Eliza, so we get to lend her to people that are otherwise ignorant of my schedule.  I now get to drop her off when I take my dearly beloved to work.  That works out to give me about half-an-hour at home to do everything I couldn't otherwise do whilst keeping an eye on my baby.  Clever, ain't it?  Feel free to steal that idea to use for your own life-easings. 

I know I should be better at multitasking with watching Eliza if I'm to be successful as a SAHD, but I'm not.  No explanation.  I'm just not good at it.  If you were to give me a guitar, I could probably write a song while building a computer and installing a light socket in the basement.  But once Eliza walks in the room, it would become a scene straight from a Chuck Jones cartoon.  Big mess.

I promised an explanation for missing Wednesday's post.  School, of course, is the reason.  Taking a 16-week course in half the time with twice the work poses some availability issues.  Don't worry.  I'll figure it out.

Surprise delay

I couldn't get to my Wednesday post, but I'll get to it Friday and explain why.  Sorry, but thanks!

The Shots Heard 'Round Your World

Throughout her first year of life, I was responsible for taking Eliza to get her shots.  You could say that it made me a stronger person, holding my precious little baby while they turned her legs into Swiss cheese with their poking little needles.  You could say this if it were true.  I must confess, here and forthwith, that the statement is horribly wrong.  I find that there is absolutely nothing "character building" (as my wife tells me) about the blood-curdling screams that resonate throughout the government office where my baby girl gets her shots.  The nurses complain, but I usually regain my composure before I have to drive us home.

In all seriousness I offer my first (hopefully not last) real advice on this blog:  Keep your shot appointments.  If you don't have them scheduled and need help in doing so, see a doctor right away and get the appointments set.  Ask any and all questions.  Make sure you know when he/she should get the shots and when or if they need to get them again.  If you don't want to take the time to ask your health professional, then at least aim your lazy-butted self to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) website to get some good info there.

Vaccinations and immunizations are a very crucial step in the early years of a person, and some of the shots last for an entire lifetime.  Most of them are required for any sort of travel outside of the country and even for enrollment in school.  Because of these reasons, I must also urge you to keep track and careful record of the shots.  They are the golden key to some important parts of life.  They should be treated as such.  I have the general assumption that most parents are responsible enough to make sure their child's shot record is kept current.  Good for you.  However, it isn't blatantly obvious to some people.  If you know someone who has been shirking this duty, LAY IT ON THEM.  I officially give you permission.

To relate with the stay-at-home moms that are responsible for taking their kiddos to get their shots, I tell all other SAHDs that it sucks.  Your child will scream, they will cry, and they will look at you with the utter face of betrayal, "why are you letting this happen to me?!"  It's ok.  They are tough and they will usually stop crying before you even get to the car (depending on your child's personality).  They won't hate you forever.  Well, at least not for the shots, anyway.  There's still that whole "teenager" thing.  That is an icky subject and will not be gracing this blog for at least another 12 years. Whew.

Happy June!

The Sad SAHD

It's a frustrating thing, really.  I'm not exactly sure how to put it into words, the feeling you get when you want to have your child.  Specifically, to be able hold her and have her fall asleep on you.  It's a bonding experience when it happens, and there is nothing quite like it.  Unfortunately, unless your child is weened from the boobies, the experiences are few and far between and require assistance from Mrs. Port-a-boob (a.k.a. a bottle).  Usually, if she is able to breastfeed long enough, the mother will become more of a pacifier rather than a source of nutrition.  Then the bond has sealed itself into a nearly sacred state.  It turns into the one place where the baby can feel safe and secure and know that the world won't get her.  When this happens, the SAHD can start to feel useless. 

Sure, he takes care of her in the daytime and keeps her entertained, but toys nowadays can do almost as good of a job as a Dad can (what with the whole tablet/iPad thingies).  Of course, human interaction is preferable and most definitely irreplaceable.  Plus, someone has to feed her.  But that need goes away as she gets older and the inevitable independence begins the takeover.  She starts knowing how to do things on her own, like pooping and eating and stuff.  Then Dad is just there because someone HAS to be there.  Babies really do grow up fast.  Like, really fast. 

The feeling of knowing that your baby trusts you and loves you enough to surrender to her tiredness without worry, that is important.  Mommies get to have organic mechanisms built in to do that.  But Daddies, we have to work for it, and it is not an easy job.

Stupid meaningless nipples.

Pizza Doesn't Equal Fruit, But Does Equal Awesome

In 2010, there arose a controversy with congress when they declared pizza a "vegetable."  That is, to say, pizza contained enough tomato paste to satisfy the federal guidelines for a daily serving of vegetables.  There is an obvious issue with this declaration, however.  Tomatoes are not vegetables, but rather a fruit.  So, using sensible logic, pizza is a vegetable because of the tomato, and tomato is a fruit.  Ergo, pizza is a fruit.  BUT, this is horribly wrong for a terribly obvious reason:  pizza is comprised of far more other ingredients than tomato and in much higher ratios.  If you break down the rational proportions of the layers of pizza, there is about 10% cheese (depending on pizza type/style), 10% meat (previous addendum applies), 10% sauce, and 70% bread.  Of course, these figures are 100% pulled from my rear end.  From these flatulent-accurate statistics, we can officially confirm that pizza is a bread with a fruit topping and a protein supplement.  Pizza is a pastry.  There.  I settled it.

The idea came to me when we were sitting at the table, enjoying some Little Caesars.  Lately, Eliza's weight and size has been an issue, being on the "too little" side.  The doctor said that we need to put her on a high calorie diet.  Anyway, while we were eating, Staci was cutting Eliza her slice and I came to the startling revelation that pizza was the perfect food for, not just my kid, but kids in general.  Now, let me give a disclaimer before I start my explanation.  This is intended to explain how pizza is the perfect food for KIDS.  Not adults.  Adults are lazy creatures and are far from possessing the anatomical superiority that children do.  Now, on to my irrefutable logic.

Pizza, we know, is made up of a ton of calories, which is what the body burns for energy.  Kids, we also know, are made of energy.  So we can suppose that pizza is just fuel for the fire, but it is so much more than that.  The argument is that the oft-round dish is too greasy and unhealthy.  But there are few things that counter this belief.  Let's think about each layer separately.  The bread is just bread.  They don't put anything special in it to make it any different from sandwich bread.  It is only different in consistency because of the preparation and a different ratio of ingredients.  The tomato sauce is quite healthy, since tomatoes are full of nutrients.  The only fight here is that people have the incessant need to put sugar in everything, so naturally, there is some sugar in it more often than not.  Then the cheese is where the biggest argument lies.  Most of the grease from pizza comes from the cheese, but the cheese is the same cheese that string cheese is made of and at only the amount of about a stick and a half per slice.  You wouldn't object to your kid eating that, would you?  (I said "cheese" way too much in that last sentence.)  The meat is a touchy subject, considering that there are just as many meats to put on pizza as there are things for Lady Gaga to make a dress out of.  (No, I will not insert the "meat dress" joke here.  I'm an adult and I'm lazy; you can do it yourself.)  Let's assume America's favorite topping, pepperoni, is on the pie.  On two slices of pizza, there is about the equivalent of one or two slices of bologna in a sandwich with nearly the same nutritional value.  Perhaps more saturated fat, but not much.

With this information, it makes sense that pizza is just a conglomeration of a few different items that one could find in a normal kid's lunch box, except stacked into a neat triangle shaped for your (and your child's) eating pleasure.